Relationship Wednesday: Stop Gaslighting and Emotionally Manipulating Your Partner!

Transparent Moment:

Today is Relationship Wednesday, and the weekly video is forthcoming; however, I felt the need to post this in writing as well.

One of the most destructive forces in relationships, especially marriage, is manipulation. We all do it in our own little subtle ways. For me, when I get upset, I stop talking -- not altogether, but only when addressed or in a necessary dialogue. This behavior has nothing to do with my wife, actually. I learned a long time ago to keep quiet when I was angry because words can't be retrieved.

What I didn't learn then was that my silence could be misinterpreted as withholding communication to get my way. Furthermore, I had to be honest and ask myself is this what I am doing.

In every other way, things don't change when I am upset. I walk her to the car when she leaves, I will fix her plate and hold her at night, but I don't want to talk. That will change for me no matter how uncomfortable it is because how I perform in my marriage is not supposed to be dependent on how I'm feeling at the time.

Some of us will justify being indifferent when things are not the way we want them to be --- not realizing that our shifts and aloofness may actually be exacerbating the issues.

While the way you manipulate or leverage behavior in your relationship may be different than what I just shared, women often withhold intimacy. Men tend to be more distant and away from the house. There are cold stares and stied comments. Ignoring the other person is another form of manipulation. Some stop doing things they would typically do because they know their mate will notice.

Luckily for me, I am not angry often, and I don't stay mad long, but I owe my wife the full me fulltime. If I need to get away an hour or so to clear my head then so be it, but when I return, I must be completely present.

None of us are perfect, but we cannot be content with our imperfections. How many times have you said that is just the way I am? If you are one of those people who say that consistently, it is time to become a better version of you, especially when it comes to your marriage.

The flip side of all this is the person who allows themselves to be gaslighted through mental and emotional manipulation and abuse. It is vital that you understand what gaslighting and emotional manipulation looks and feels like so that you can recognize it when and if it happens to you. No form of abuse is acceptable, and while gaslighting is not physical, its consequences can be devastating and lingering.

No one who genuinely loves you would cause you harm. Additionally, it is impossible for anyone who has not yet learned to love themselves to exhibit authentic love toward others. While it will likely be difficult, you will need to address the situation in non-conditional terms. If the behavior does not stop, you will need to remove yourself from the equation.

Marriage-type relationships is about the syncing of feminine and masculine energy to order to create synergy. Through the synergistic force created by the merging of energy, tow becomes one and accomplishes things that neither of the individuals could accomplish on their own. If the relation is not facilitated growth, it is toxic and stagnant. Get out before you get hurt.

Finally, growth is a process. Give yourself permission to be in “process.” However, never become content with the lack of growth and progression. ~ Rick Wallace, Ph.D., Psy.D.